Is your child too materialistic?
By Joanna Moorhead
Childhood has changed hugely since we were kids, and one of the biggest
differences is that, these days, our children are consumers too. Today's
children are only too aware about what they want and "Mum, d'ya think Santa will bring me some new Nikes?"
- or something similar - is bound to be a familiar question in your household.
Is it OK to say no?
It's difficult to say 'no' to your children about requests like these, but say
'yes' every time and you won't do them any favours. Children need to know
that life sets limits on all of us, and saying yes doesn't get that
important lesson through to them. What's more, our kids need to realise
that being happy isn't dependent on what we've got. If they believe that,
they're never going to be happy because they'll never have everything.
Just saying 'no' outright, though, will make your child resentful and sulky.
What you need to do instead is explain why you've got to turn down the
request. Try something like, "Well, let's talk about that. I can see that
Charlie's trainers are really cool, and I know why you like them. But that
doesn't mean you can have a pair yourself right now. We can't afford to buy
everything we think looks good, or we wouldn't have enough money for the
things we really need."
Help your child deal with peer pressure
It's hard thinking of your child being left out because of something you
haven't got him, and that's why many parents cave in when peer pressure is
mentioned. But you can help him deal with it by teaching him
strategies to cope with the other children in the playground who've got
things your son wants but hasn't got.
Give your child realistic hopes for things he really wants but can't have
just yet, so he can tell his friends if he wants to. For example, maybe he
can't have the trainers now but could he ask his granny to buy them for his
birthday? Or could he save up his pocket money, and maybe you'd match what
he saves to help him reach his target sooner? Having to strive for
something always makes the item more precious, and gives him a reason to be
especially proud of his trainers when he does eventually show them off in
the playground: in other words, you're turning pester power into a
confidence-boosting exercise.
Most importantly, don't be too materialistic yourself. Your example is
crucial, so don't talk about wanting lots of new things yourself, and don't
compare, for example, your home to other people's homes.
Understanding the meaning of money
Sally James's daughter Maya, nine, was told she'd get pocket money but in
practice her parents often forgot to give it and no-one was ever sure how
much she was owed, or when she'd get it. As a result, whenever Maya wanted
something her parents would get it out of her pocket money - but though she
was pleased with it, she didn't have the fulfilment of feeling she'd saved
for it, or bought it herself.
When Maya wanted a new pair of jeans despite having two pairs already, her
parents said no. "We decided to get more serious about pocket money because
we thought Maya just didn't understand its value," says Sally.
"We upped her allowance to £5 a week, and she understood that if she saved
her money for six weeks, she'd be able to afford the jeans.
"It was hard going at times, because she kept seeing other things she
wanted. But I was so proud of her when she'd finally got enough in her
purse, and we went together to buy those jeans. I can honestly say they're
the most precious thing in her wardrobe, and unlike the other things she got
at the drop of a hat, she hasn't got bored with them in a matter of days."
Managing money gives children autonomy and makes them aware of what it is to
express a choice, and to strive towards a goal and succeed.
Joanna Moorhead specialises in writing on parenting issues. She has three daughters aged eight, six and two.
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