Make friends with your child's teacher
By Sarah Purcell
As a parent you naturally want your child to do well and be happy at school, but what can you do to help her? Building up and maintaining a good relationship with both her school and class teacher will go a long way towards ensuring you achieve these aims.
"Building a good relationship with school and teacher are important both for your child's welfare and for maximising her education," says Margaret Read, Key Stage 1 teacher at St Mary's Primary School in Newbury, Berkshire. "These days a lot more school work needs to be done at home and it will help if you feel comfortable with your child's teacher."
But it's not always easy to know the best way to go about doing this without making a nuisance of yourself, especially if you're new to school life.
Why a good relationship helps
Joe Hallgarton, a primary school teacher and research fellow in education at the Institute for Public Policy Research, has written a book on the importance of parent-school relationships Parents Exist. He says: "As many teachers prove, building good relationships with parents is a time and energy investment that enables teachers to focus on their core functions: behaviour issues are dealt with far more swiftly and effectively; learning carried out at home is supportive and reinforcing; support and expertise is offered for different aspects of the curriculum; and above all, mutual respect is fostered between all points of the parent-teacher-child triangle."
Read agrees, and adds that parents who are honest with her make her job easier. "The more we know about your child, the better we'll be able to help them in the classroom. So if there are any circumstances that may be affecting your child's performance at school, such as illness in the family or a separation, tell the teacher and be assured that the information will remain confidential. And if you've built up a good relationship in the first place, confiding in a teacher will be much easier to do."
Children are much more intuitive than you imagine, and quickly pick up on good and bad feelings. So if you give her positive messages about school and her teacher she will feel much happier about going to school and learning than if you don't show much interest.
How to impress her teacher
Let your child's teacher know from day one that you're on her side and you'll support decisions she makes on behalf of your child. "There is generally less respect for teachers these days, and this can make our lives difficult," says Margaret Read. "Probably one of the worst things you could do as a parent would be to undermine your child's teacher, especially in front of other children."
It's also helpful to realise that a teacher's day doesn't begin at 9am and end at 3.30pm - a lot of work goes on before and after these times, so if you want to speak to the teacher, make an appointment, preferably after school. "It can be very difficult if a parents wants to discuss an issue about their child with you while you're trying to supervise 30 children," Read advises.
Avoid being late for school or when picking your child up and don't keep your child off school unless there's a good reason, such as illness.
Children seem to have more and more homework these days, and it can be hard to keep up with it all, but do your best to make sure you child does hers and hands it in on time.
Quarrels and fights between children are all part of school life, and yet another issue your child's teacher has to deal with. "If your child comes home with a grievance, try not to jump to conclusions and make accusations until you've heard the full story from her teacher," says Margaret Read. "Remember that it's the teacher's job to be fair to every child in her care."
How to build up school relationships
There are some ways to get involved:
- You won't really get to know your child's school unless you volunteer to help out at some events, so offer to run a stall at the Christmas fair, help with the children's disco or offer to sell raffle tickets.
- Joining the PTA is an excellent way to get to know the staff, other parents and find out more about the way the school is run. Any parent can join - you don't need any qualifications or special abilities, just a willingness to get stuck in.
- Many schools rely on parents to help out in the classroom with reading, cooking, putting up displays or sewing, running football clubs etc. So if you've got a bit of spare time - it doesn't have to be every week - why not see if there's something you can do? "Seeing the classroom in action will help you to understand how it all works much better," says Margaret Read.
How to build up teacher relationships
Why not try:
- Most schools now use a home communication book to rely information to and from school. Make sure you check this book every evening for messages from the teacher and write in any relevant messages yourself. "This is especially important if you're a working parent who perhaps doesn't have much contact with the school on a daily basis," says Margaret Read.
- Don't miss parent consultation evenings - this is your chance to discuss your child's progress in detail with the teacher, as well as getting to know the teacher better.
- If you've got a specific issue you want to discuss, it's best to arrange a face to face meeting. But if this isn't possible, don't be afraid to ring the teacher at school - she probably won't be able to speak to you immediately, but messages do get passed on.
- "Showing support for your child's teacher and backing up any advice she gives regarding your child is probably the most important thing you can do to help build a good relationship," says Read.
Sarah Purcell writes on health and parenting issues. She is married to a secondary school teacher and has two daughters aged four and two. She lives in Tonbridge, Kent.
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