How to help your child
You might feel like going round to see the bully's parents straight away, or
tackling them at the school gates at the earliest opportunity. Resist the urge: feeling as you do now, tempers could run high. You don't want to get embroiled in a bitter confrontation that changes nothing and possibly makes life even more difficult for your child.
Instead, try to be positive. However it was that you discovered he was being
bullied, the most important thing now is that you DO know about it, and will
be able to deal with it. Talking about the fact that you're being bullied
when you're the victim is the crucial first step to solving the problem, so
a big hurdle has already been overcome.
It's vital to get this across to your child, who might have been suffering in silence for some time: give him lots of cuddles, and assure him that this isn't something he has to deal with by himself.
Encourage your child to talk to you about what's been happening and to go on
reporting bullying if and when it happens in the future.
Talk about what bullying is: explain that it's unacceptable behaviour, that it isn't his fault he's being bullied, and that telling you and others what's going on is
the key to it stopping.
Make sure you have time to talk to your child each day about what's going on in his life: make yourself aware of the wide range of bullying tactics so you know what to look out for, and what questions to ask. Check out the main Signs of Bullying.
How to involve the school
It's very important that you make an appointment to see your child's class
teacher to talk about what's going on. "You've got to fight for your child:
if you don't, no-one else will," says Michele Elliott of the anti-bullying
organisation Kidscape.
"A lot of parents say, I don't know if I can go into school to talk about
it. For heaven's sake! Your kid can't deal with this - but you can. Kids who are
picked on can't fight back, so you've got to be willing to pitch in and do
it for them. If your initial attempts don't succeed, don't let it rest."
Talking to your child's teacher or, if the problem persists, head teacher
may be difficult: you're inevitably going to feel very emotional about
what's happening. Rehearse what you'll say and try to stay cool: you don't
want to feel like you're a problem for them, you want them to take seriously
the fact that another child in their school - not yours - is a problem.
Since 1994 every school has been legally obliged to have a written policy on
bullying: you may want to ask to see this, and to talk through with the head
teacher what steps will be taken to clamp down on bullying in the school.
No school should take the attitude that 'we don't have bullying here': every
good teacher recognises it goes on, and that a good school is constantly on
the alert for signs of it, and ready to step in immediately.
If the problem doesn't resolve, see or write to the head again and ask what
action has been taken since your initial interview. Ask for your worries
(write them down) to be attached to your child's school file as an official
record of your concerns.
If necessary, go further. "If the school starts blaming your child and you
know it isn't his fault, or if you don't think the school is doing anything
to deal with the problem after you've alerted them to it, go to the
school's governors or the LEA," says Michele Elliott.
Joanna Moorhead specialises in writing on parenting issues. She has three daughters aged eight, six and two.
Also see:
- 'My son was bullied'- a parent's story
For more information
Visit
Kidscape - a support group for parents of children who are bullied
www.bullying.co.uk - for the facts about bullying
www.bbc.co.uk
