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New home, new school
By Tracey Godridge
According to child psychologist Dr Hannah Mortimer, younger children may cope better with changing schools than older children, who sometimes find the idea of leaving their existing friends - and making new friends - more daunting: 'For four and five-year-olds, friends are someone you play with. After seven, friends are more about sharing interests, and are genuinely missed for who they are. Girls especially may find it hard because they are more into social agendas; boys will tend to focus on the activities they'll miss, like football and cubs.' Try to reassure your child that the new school will offer the same kind of activities as the old one: ' It's important to prepare your child for the fact that everything will feel a bit strange for a while,' says Dr Mortimer, ' but knowing she can still do all the things she enjoys will help a lot.' Keeping in touch Encouraging your child to stay in touch with her old schoolmates - letter writing, emails, phone calls - is a fun and positive way to help her cope. Dr Mortimer explains: 'Although these friendships will possibly fade in time, children who keep in touch with their old friends fare better.' Automatic transfer Knowing she won't be the only new girl in class could also help your child with first day nerves. If you are lucky enough to be able to choose when you move, it may be worth opting for a point in the school calendar when pupils are automatically transferring between schools. Simon Adorian, deputy head at St Osmond's middle school in Dorchester, says: 'In some areas of the country children have to transfer between infant and junior school when they are rising eight. In other areas, children move from first school to middle school when they are rising 10. Parents can find out what happens in their area by contacting the Local Education Authority.' A September start Starting a new school in September also puts a child on an equal footing with her new classmates. Jill and Nigel Pittam decided to move out of London when their daughters were 10, eight and five: 'We had lived in Wandsworth in south London for years and often talked about moving out. Then my husband's work style changed and we decided to go for it. We felt starting the children at their new school in September would be best - and we were lucky as it did work out. I think it helped a lot that on their first day they weren't the only new faces.' Touring the school Knowing what to expect will puts a lot of worries to rest. Once she knew which school they'd be going to, Jill Pittam's three girls were able to go along to look round: 'Because of our timing they were able to join in the induction day organised at the end of the summer term for other new ones joining the juniors. They met their new teachers and their classmates - and I'm sure this helped a lot. When they actually started, they coped really well. Clare, the youngest, was brilliant - being so young she just got on with it. Zoe, eight, found the first term a bit tricky. But then she also had to cope with going into the juniors, which is quite a leap for any child. Transferring into Year 6, could have been hard for Kate as she was leaving a lot of good friends behind. But although she was inwardly nervous she quickly settled in.' Making friends Fear of not making friends - having no one to partner on a school trip or kick a ball around with in the playground - is high on the list of worries for children changing school. Some schools may have a 'befriending' scheme whereby a child already at the school is nominated to partner a new arrival for their first few days. As Adorian points out: 'Children really want a friendly face they'll recognise on day one - someone who'll tell them where the loos are and make sure they have the right kit.' But even if there isn't a formal system like this, a good school will always make sure a new child is made to feel welcome. 'And luckily,' adds Simon, 'new children are always a huge source of interest. Everyone wants to know them and sit next to them!' Tracey Godridge is a writer specialising in parenting issues. She has three children and lives in London |
